Home Alone

June 29th, 2010

For the last four days, Keith has been out of town at a work-related conference.

You know, playing golf and laughing about secret handshakes and all.

Which of course means I’ve been home alone.

Burglar bait.

No really, I’m that paranoid.

On one of my first days home alone, “a man selling satellite TV” came to our door.

Salesman: You sign for sat-lite teevee, you have free for life.
Eby: Oh how nice. We don’t even have a TV, though. But thank you!
Salesman: Ah! You have intra-net?
Eby: Yup, thank you!
Salesman: How much you pay per month?
Eby: Oh, you know, I’m not even sure. My husband took care of all that. So…
Salesman: OK! He here?
Eby: Oh. Uh. He’s…at work! He’ll be here later. Three days from now.
Salesman: Ok! I come back tonight to talk with him. Bye-bye!

Darn! I had played right into his plan. If he found out I was home alone on his return visit, it was all over.

Burglar bait.

But I had a plan. Once it was dark, I set up a podcast in the next room. Thanks to the totally natural sounding Tim and Wendy and their foster parent podcast, it sounded like I had real people in my home office; perfectly muffled by a partially closed door. I placed some of Keith’s big manly shoes in the foyer, and had every single light on in the house.

Take that bad guys.

I was channeling Macaulay Culkin, Home Alone.

Minus the aftershave.

My plan was to whisk open the door, quickly insist I had talked with my husband (who was in the shower) and that we weren’t interested in any upgrades. Ok. Toodles!

But he never came back.

I guess he really was a salesman.

  • That sounds like something I would do!

  • Brilliant, Erin. I appreciate your creativity. I’m taking notes for when I’m home alone in the future. 🙂

  • Erin, I am enjoying reading your blogs. So sorry to read about the moving company and the 3 months. Eek!
    Front Row has been fairly quiet. Tonight is Blues on the Mall. Bob and I walked down but the band was so-so. Right now all the motorcycles are revving engines at the BOB.

    I am very excited to report I have tomatoes growing on our back balcony. I started a grow box with 4 tomato plants – whcih was two too many. Our neighbors are going to get a gift in a few weeks when all of these tomatoes come in! I also have fresh basil in the flower box so should be quite the party.

    We’ll toast to you at the book club next week. Our books to read were Barolo (GVSU author Gavin) which was a fun adventure to read. And Water for Elephants which was a fabulous book. I liked it so much, I bought it for my 86 yr old dad who read it in 2 days and LOVED IT. If you haven’t read it – pick it. It will make you smile at the end/

    Stay safe and tell Keith to stay home!

  • Oh my word – that is so funny!

  • I’m really glad he didn’t come back so you didn’t have to resort to hot irons or lava-hot door knobs!

  • Somehow I missed this post. Love the “burglar bait.” Of course that’s the phrase that appears in our minds with certainty.

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